Poisoned Rationality
by Texan Red Rose
Summary: "This can't be happening! Of all things, this can not be happening!" mumbled Kim Possible. Inspired by "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" by Panic! At The Disco.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kim Possible. *Sad Panda face* Also, I don't own "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" by Panic! At The Disco, which inspired this little drabble, though you should know it's not a songfic.

_**Poisoned Rationality**_

"This can't be happening! Of all things, _this_ can _not_ be happening!" mumbled Kim Possible, world famous heroine, who had faced life threatening danger countless times before, was anxiously wringing her hands as she paced the pews in a church corridor. Things utterly foreign to her- fear, doubt, uncertainty- pervaded her mind. Clad in a simple, yet flattering, black dress with matching high heels and pearl earrings, the young redhead wasn't sure if she was attending a wedding or a funeral.

Oh no, it wasn't that she wished any ill will on her former enemy, Doctor Drew Lipsky, once known as Dr. Drakken. She was happy the blue skinned man had found happiness a scant fives years after the Lowardian incident. However, she did take issue with _who_ he was marrying.

Shego: the one and only heroine turned villain, once under the employ of Dr. Drakken himself. Yes, that emerald skinned beauty whom Kim had often fought would soon be Mrs. Drew Lipsky. The very thought made her sick. Not that anyone was aware of Kim's objection to the union. No, that was a well kept secret between herself and Pandaroo.

It had taken the first two years after graduation for Kim to realize that her relationship with Ron Stoppable would never really equate to anything more than best friends. The following year left her confused as to why the several dates she'd gone on never seemed to interest her, no matter how attractive or intriguing her suitors were. The fourth year gave her a pretty good hint as to why men couldn't seem to capture the young woman's interest. And the fifth year? Well, this past year, Kim Possible, world famous heroine, discovered her tastes for less conventional fare, and, being the honest person she was, quickly became the world famous lesbian heroine. Oh, it was rough at first, of course, during the initial media blitz, but loyal friends, fans, and family leapt to her defense and provided a rather extensive support network. Life returned to normal.

Well, until yesterday, when the urgent message came from her techno guru, Wade Load, demanding her presence at what would be the 'happiest day' of Drakken's life, as the good Doctor put it. Now, while Kim had always suspected she held more than a healthy admiration for her former arch nemesis, it took a full three hours for her to figure out the real reason she was unbelievably pissed off at the news. It was way more than admiration. After all, despite having quite her criminal lifestyle, the emerald goddess had stayed in contact with Kim. That's how she knew her unsuspecting beloved was about to marry the man she'd been living with even after losing him as an employer. Drakken hadn't bothered including the bride's name, of course, or any guest names, giving just the time and place and a quick pleading request for Kim's presence.

Now, here in this church in the heart of Las Vegas, Nevada, Kim Possible knew she had two choices: keep her silence and allow the wedding to proceed, effectively killing any chance she could have with Shego or confess her love and, hopefully, ruin the wedding.

Kim stopped her pacing suddenly. She hadn't yet put it in such simplistic terms before but... well, in that context, how could she do it? Ruin Drakken's happiness for the sake of her own? It went against everything her parents taught her; it was selfish and wrong. Hadn't Drakken suffered enough? Isn't he entitled to happiness too?

Along with all the other things bouncing around in Kim's head, guilt settled over her like a dark shawl. She reached her conclusion.

"I _am_ here... this _is_ happening..." Desperate to have anything to distract her from her darkening thoughts, the redhead looked for something else to focus on, anything at all. Looking for any such distraction, Kim could help but to hear an exchanging of words.

"What a beautiful wedding." Sarcasm laced with a haughty air. Obviously Monkey Fist.

"Oh, yes!" a tone so sickly sweet, it's aggravating. DNAmy. Then, a sigh. "What a shame the groom's bride is a whore."

Oh. Snap.

Kim tore around the corner, fists balled in anger, bright green eyes flashing daggers, looking every bit like a demon loosed from the bowels of Hell. Both part time villains jumped from shock, unaware the heroine was even present.

"Haven't you people ever heard of closing the damn door?" Kim spat out, lashing out all the frustration she could muster through her words. "If you're going to talk about someone behind their back, have the decency to make sure you aren't overheard!" Kim turned back, resolute in her conclusion that her previous conclusion was stupid. She wanted Shego, period. She was a better match, could be a much better partner, and she _knew_ Shego would be happier with her than with Drakken. There wasn't a whole lot of logic backing up these thoughts but anger doesn't need logic, thankfully. For once, Kim Possible was going to be selfish and she didn't give a damn what anyone said about it. But there was one last piece of 'wisdom' she wished to impart before setting off on her spur of the moment quest, never registering the shock and confusion on her targets' faces. "Shego is _not_ a whore!"

No time to waste! Kim sped down the hall as fast as her high heels would allow (which constitutes running for most women in high heels), throwing open every door she came to in her search. Not that there were many rooms to check, or people to startle, but Kim wasn't concerned about trivial facts. After four tries (two of which were restrooms), the fifth door she threw open revealed her holy grail.

"Shego!" Kim practically yelled, slamming the door behind her, earning the older woman's full attention. By this time, her brain had somewhat caught up to her actions and noticed some things were off about the entire situation but Kim ignored it all. Instead, she launched into the most desperate word vomit of her life. "Shego, you can't go through with the wedding! I can understad why you might think that it's right but it's not! I'm the one you should be with, not Drakken! I love you Shego, and I know I'm an idiot for not seeing it before, I'm so sorry for that, but I will spend every day trying to make it up to you! I swear it! Please, Shego, I can't lose you! Call the wedding off!"

By the end of her speech, Kim was breathless, staring into those emerald eyes, searching for confirmation that the feelings were returned, that she wasn't too late. Perhaps she did catch a glimmer of that too but it was well hidden under the abundant mirth playing across Shego's face. Wait. Mirth?

"Well, this calls for a toast, but I think you've already drained the champagne." Kim blinked.

"I am _not_ drunk, Shego! I'm completely sober!"

"Uh-huh," Shego smirked, a glint to her eyes that sparkled like stars to the high strung redhead. Shego bit her lip softly, as if in momentary consideration, before leaning forward and placing a light kiss on Kim's lips. Yes! Kim tried a bit enthusiastically to deepen the kiss but Shego pulled away, her trademark smirk on painted black lips. Damnit. "Not right now, Cupcake."

"And why the Hell not?" Kim pouted, confused as to what game Shego was playing. Was the wedding off or not?

"Doy, I don't want to ruin your make-up... or my tuxedo..." Shego laughed as Kim visibly pulled back to examine the other woman's attire. Shego was, in fact, wearing a deep jade colored tux, one that hugged every luscious curve of her well toned body. Completely lacking the ability to think coherently, Kim just stared at the bow tie, still untied, hanging around Shego's neck. Kim snapped her eyes up to those dancing emerald orbs when Shego cleared her throat. "I think someone might've left out a few important details about the wedding, Kimmie. I'm and _not_ the bride. Dr. D and I aren't getting married."

"...huh?" was all Kim could manage, her mouth hanging open like a trout gasping for air in a fisherman's boat. With gentle fingertips, Shego closed the redhead's lips, still utterly amused by the situation.

"Dr. D, being the brilliant man he is, fell in love with some chick last week and decided to marry her. Hence why we're in Las Vegas, in a church were the, uh, 'preacher', and I use that term loosely, is dressed like Elvis. I _tried_ telling him this is a bad idea, but when has he _ever_ listened to me, right?" Shego laughed, tucking an errant lock of red hair behind Kim's ear. "Anyway, I'm not the bride. Not by a long shot."

"O-okay..." Kim nodded dumbly, still trying to process that Shego was... wait. "So you're single?"

Shego laughed at that, eying the heroine a moment before replying, in a slightly sultry tone. "That all depends... are you asking me out?"

Now, it was Kim's turn to smirk, having finally regained most of her thought capability. "Doy!" The two laughed, softly, admiring the other a moment as silence prevailed. Shego was thinking how amazing Kim looked in that dress, her body fully matured and filled out in a pleasing way. Kim was thinking how amazing Shego looked in that tuxedo. Speaking of which. "What's with the tux?"

Shego momentarily scowled, crossing her arms. "Dr. D wanted me to be his 'Best Man'... it was this or flower girl and I _do not_ do frilly dresses in _pink_, of all colors!" Shego sighed, lifting her hands to her bow tie. "I feel so ridiculous in this thing."

"Well, you look gorgeous in it," Kim smiled, brushing Shego's hands away and tying the bow tie herself, letting her hands linger a moment longer than necessary.

"Thanks," Shego mumbled, checking the time to remind herself they didn't have time to get too... personal prior to the wedding. Almost on cue, Dr. Drakken, the man of the hour, poked his head in the room. Just like old times, Shego instantly snapped at the blue skinned scientist. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

Dr. Drakken ignored her, concern evident on his face. "Shego! The ceremony is about to start! We need to get to our places!" Then he took notice of Kim and his mood instantly lightened. "Miss Possible! I'm glad you made it! Bunny will be so happy to meet you!"

"Bunny?" Kim arched a brow at the Doctor.

"She's a whore," Shego supplied, rolling her eyes. "Guess this means technically your marriage is saved. Congrats. Just give us a minute, Dr. D., and we'll be right out!"

With only a slight scowl, Drakken retreated, leaving the two women alone. Kim gave her date a reproachful look.

"You know, Shego, calling someone a whore isn't nice. That's the whole reason I came barging in here." Kim admitted, somewhat shyly. Shego cocked her head to the side, then nodded in understanding.

"You thought someone was calling _me_ a whore?"

"Yeah. I was going to let the wedding happen, then... I just got mad and decided I wouldn't let people talk about you like that, so I was the better, uh... man?" The redhead finished lamely. Shego laughed, leading Kim out of the room, as promised, to take her spot.

"Well, she _is_ a whore."

"Shego, that's not-"

"Prostitute, Kimmie."

"Oh..." was all Kim could manage.

"Yeah," Shego sighed, then cocked an eyebrow at Kim. "It didn't strike you as odd that you were contacted twenty four hours before a wedding in Las Vegas?"

"I was too concerned with 'Shego's getting married' sitch to think about anything else," Kim admitted, looking up to the alter. "Looks like it's almost show time."

"Oh joy," Shego drawled sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Whatever. I'll have our date to look forward to, right?" A sexy smirk which Kim returned.

"Absolutely." Kim chuckled, shaking her head slightly. "It's so weird to think I got the girl because, for once, the cool-headed Kim Possible couldn't face something with her usual poise and rationality."

"Well, yeah, but for what it's worth," Shego placed a quick kiss on Kim's lips before heading up to the alter, Drakken already looked more than anxious at her absence. "I think your _poisoned_ rationality worked _way_ better."

Kim laughed and took her seat, watching Shego stand off to Drakken's side. As the wedding began, three thoughts managed to stay at the top of her mind: 'Shego looks so damn good in that tux', 'that guy looks _nothing_ like Elvis', and, of course, 'wow, she really _does_ look like a whore'."

Author's Note: As I said, random drabble inspired by "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" by Panic! At The Disco. I wrote this up in, like, an hour, just for fun. Honestly, until I looked up the lyrics, I always thought it was 'poisoned rationality' because, well, that made sense in my head... My head is not a safe place to be, though.

I tempted the fates to get this out but... eh, the ramifications can't be _too_ terrible, right? That's what I'm hoping for, anyway. My boss might have a different opinion on the subject...


End file.
